Day 88: Keeping Quiet as Manipulation Technique Part II – Trigger Point

Continuation from Day 87 Keeping Quiet as Manipulation Technique:

Here I am dissecting the first paragraph of the previous blog post:

Today I was talking with someone and perceived that I was being ignored and disregarded by them. From there I went into this thought “They’re ignoring me…” and allowed myself to go into self-pity and remain quiet while they continued to talk and I was expecting them to eventually ask me if I was okay because I was so quiet, and here I see I went into this mode of quietness as a manipulation tactic to get them to pay attention to me and ask me if everything is okay.

I see the trigger for me to become quiet like this started from the person’s voice tonality in which I perceived that they were being mean to me. From this I had backchat of “they’re being mean to me” “they don’t like me” and “they are ignoring me.” Then I allowed myself to go into this emotional experience of self-pity / feeling sorry for myself in which I became deliberately quiet (my behavior) throughout the conversation. As I continued to be quiet, I expected the person to become aware of this unusual quietness and ask me what’s wrong or going on. However, I did not get that – they didn’t ask me why I was being quiet and / or what’s wrong, and this bothered me, so then I eventually spoke up about it, but did so in a reaction of annoyance of “aren’t you going to ask me if I’m okay?”

Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed another’s voice tonality to trigger the backchat of “they’re being mean to me” and “they don’t like me” “they’re ignoring me”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the backchats of “they’re being mean to me”, “they don’t like me” and “they’re ignoring me” to direct me into feeling sorry for myself as self-pity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience self-pity when I participated in the backchat of “they’re being mean to me”, “they don’t like me” and “they’re ignoring me” instead of realizing that I have the ability to just breathe and establish who I want to be and what I accept and allow in the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automatically give into experiencing self-pity by believing that that this is how I should experience myself when I participated in the backchat of “they’re being mean to me” “they don’t like me” and “they’re ignoring me.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the backchat “they’re being mean to me” “they don’t like me” and “they’re ignoring me” to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my backchat of “they’re being mean to me” “they don’t like me” and “they’re ignoring me” and allow it to define who I am and how I experience myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take another’s voice tone personally and from this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed another’s voice tonality to influence who I am and how I experience myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself and how I experience myself according to how another reacts or talks to me and from this, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that no one can make me experience or feel a certain way without my consent, my decision, my acceptance and allowance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am and how I experience myself through allowing backchat from my Mind and external / outside forces as other people to influence who I am and how I experience myself instead of becoming self-directive principle and making decisions of who I am and what will or will not accept and allow to exist within me.

More Self-Forgiveness to come… 

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