Day 73 – 75: Resistance to Writing – Thought: "Me Writing but Being Frustrated"

I am applying what was suggested to walk through when it comes to resistance through doing certain things, like responsibilities such as writing from  Fighting Resistance vs. Moving Through Resistance.

Here I’m noting the thoughts, physical behaviors, energies and backchat involved when it comes time to write and who I am when I am about to write.



Thoughts:
Me in the process of writing but being all frustrated.
Me writing the next day diligently and focused.
Backchat:
“I can’t see anything… there is nothing to write about”
“I just don’t want to do it…”
“So and so hasn’t written in X days…”
“They’re not doing it, so why should I?”
“I see no point”
“I don’t care “
“I can’t do it, it’s too late”
“I’ll do it tomorrow”
“I’m not doing it”
“I’m too tired”
Energy:
Irritation, dread, apathy, frustration, hope
Physical Behaviors:
Checking Facebook, checking my iPod, going to Instagram, dancing, eating, physical distractions and time wasters from actually sitting down and writing. It’s like when I see I have to write, I will move me to do whatever else I can do instead of sitting down and writing.

***

Self Forgiveness on Thoughts:
Me in the process of writing but being all frustrated.
Me writing the next day diligently and focused.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought-image of me in the process of writing and becoming all frustrated to exist within and as me as I see, realize and understand that when it is time to write the image will pop up as an attempt to stop me from writing because I see that I do not want to go through the experience of being frustrated and uncomfortable within the writing process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define writing as “frustrating” due to an image of me in the process of writing being all frustrated when I see, realize and understand that the image is an illusion, it’s not real, and yet I followed such an illusion and believed such an illusion that writing is frustrating but now I see a memory in connection to this thought-image where I wrote a blog post about Equal Money System a while ago and spent much time on it because I wasn’t exactly clear on what I was writing about, and it was within not being clear that I experienced frustration.

So I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the thought-image of me writing in frustration to the memory of me writing an EMS blog post and spending much time on it because I was unclear on what I was writing about and from being unclear, I experienced frustration.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an energy-relationship to the thought-image of me writing in frustration by holding onto onto the memory of me writing the EMS blog as the reason why “writing is so frustrating” instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I created frustration within that experience of writing because I was not entirely educated on the EMS and used the limited info I knew to create a blog so I could feel part of the group of EMS bloggers instead of actually studying the EMS to an understanding where I am comfortable and confident to write a blog post .

From this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect writing to the idea that it is frustrating.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I will be frustrated if I am writing in separation of myself, such as attempting to write a certain way to appear a certain way or impress people because I am not writing as me .

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will become frustrated when I am writing my Journey to Life blog, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that currently as I’m writing I am not experiencing frustration because I am not thinking or planning what to write, I am just writing what is coming out, so the thought-image of being frustrated when writing is an idea due to a memory when I tried and attempted to write a certain way to impress others and from that separated myself from writing and experienced frustration.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to write in separation of me, writing from the starting point of wanting to fit in and be seen a certain way instead of just writing as me within my process of self-honesty as everyone’s process, writings and self-honesty is unique, therefore, if I write in separation of me, I am the one sabotaging my process of self-change and realization, so I’m only harming myself, and I don’t accept that.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to let go of the thought-image when it comes up when I see I am about to write, as I see, realize and understand that the thought-image is showing me an idea I have about writing that I created from a memory and I have the power to let it go and not follow the thought.

I commit myself to not follow the thought-image of “me writing but being frustrated” to direct me not to write as I see, realize and understand this was an idea I created from a memory I’ve held onto justifying why writing is frustrating, yet I realize writing is not frustrating as long as I write in self-honesty as who I am and what is existent within me and not from a starting point of separation of writing to be seen a certain way or impress others.

When and as I see it’s time to write and the thought-image of “me writing but being frustrated” come up, I stop, breathe and speak aloud “I’m writing now” and then actually DO IT / WRITE because I see, realize and understand that I have the power to let go of thoughts and not allow them to effect me but make a self-directive decision to write for me for and as self-support as what is best for all.



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