Day 72: Sabotaging Moments By Being Emotional

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste the limited time I had with my partner by talking about worries, concerns and blame about my future and job situation without providing any practical solution or support for myself, but just continued to rant and rave and go into worry and concern and it wasn’t until my partner finally spoke up that I realized that I was being in a emotional possession and thus, was not stable to really talk because what was coming out of my mouth was basically garbage — words filled with fear, concern and blame instead of just taking a breath, and look at the common sense as to what I need to do to best support me, which I see in this moment breathing and writing supports.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility for those worries and points in my mind as I see, realize and understand that when I mull in my mind with all my thoughts of worries and concerns about my future, nothing supportive will come forth because it’s just me participating in a continuous cycle of worry, concern and blame and thus it will continue to be that way unless I actually take a physical step and write out exactly what is going on in my mind to see how I can direct myself through these points.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste the limited time I had with my partner by communicating when I was in an emotional possession because I realize my partner didn’t have enough time to talk and instead of talking about something cool and / or supportive like things we enjoy, I went into a self-sabotage mode allowing all the points of today, of all the thoughts, feelings and emotions I did not take responsibility for in the moments they came up to compound within me and then bring up all of those points in an emotional possession within the conversation, unaware that nothing supportive was coming forth as it was all worry and blame, all in which I did not take responsibility for or even WANT to take responsibility for in that moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for being emotional and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as someone emotional instead of taking responsibility for the points I existed in today that led to me being in an emotional possession, blaming myself, feeling feel sorry for myself which perpetuated a cycle of self-abuse, all of which sabotaged my time with my partner, instead of realizing that existing in such abusive experiences will not get me anywhere but actually suppress me and hold me back from really working on myself and seeing what it is I need to get clear in relation to what I need to do and how to direct myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a whiny, self-pitying complainer character who allows oneself to just rant and rave and not do anything about their situation as I realize I developed this character over time imprinting such points from people in my environment as a means to justify why I cannot take responsibility for myself and change.

I commit myself to take responsibility of the points existent within me – all thoughts, feeling, emotions through breathing, writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application to change how I live and approach others in my world.

I commit myself to BREATHE and stick to breathing when I see myself become emotional to stabilize and calm myself down as nothing “good” will get me anywhere if I’m in an emotional possession.

I commit myself to utilize writing when I see I am concerned about my future, as writing assists me in seeing the points that are inside me that led me to go into an emotional possession and if need be, ask for others’ assistance for anything I did not see / take into consideration.

I commit myself to investigate through writing and self-forgiveness, self corrective application the character I’ve created and become – the complainer who rants and raves and doesn’t do anything about their problems.

I commit myself to utilize the limited time I have with my partner to make it supportive and fun and not allow myself to give into my emotions, worries and concerns that may sabotage the communication / time I have with them through breathing and / or talking about the points with my partner to gain clarity and direction to take responsibility for them.

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